End of Weekend .. time 22:19

Hmm wondering abt today, wat did i do ..well nthing ..like a walking zombie ..slp wake up, stone seeing the monitor then slp ...wat a day to be ..
And tmr well, early morning have to go two places, first to GMTI (Commonwealth) then to NUH ...talking abt work, really being kick around as NHG project no more .. and well another 1 more month to my contract ending with them ...honestly speaking i have no mood to work at all, well really feeling so tired ... that day when i meet up with my friend Wenjie, talking abt our life, what have we do and what have we achieve ... comparing my life with them, i really look up to them, they can do this for years and years without any goal .. talking rubbish to pass the day ...
They don't club ..seldom drink ..don't really go out ..the only place they stick around i guess is juz their work and the place they live ...
As for me .. maybe y i love her so much is cause i wana fullfill a goal together with her .. forming own family, having own kids ... and i guess this is wat i rely and looking for over the years ... and so once this thing is gone, i feel so lost so tired ...
Every now and then, i m wondering at this time where is she, wat she doing ...
And well life, i know i m not the worst but well i feel like the worst, maybe i m really someone who duno how to face the realistic, a weaker.
And weaker will tend to choose the shorter path rather to walk a longer road.
I really lost again, maybe giving myself too much expectation and pressure ...and keep repeating and asking the same question.
The price of paying for something dearly is really terrible, if she ever knew, no matter who is right or wrong .. i hope she will aware of my sincerity and i m really sorry for everything, hoping to understand certain espect of life.
Be it explanation, be it saying a word SORRY, it all come from my heart of loving her with a good intention, never ever wana break the promises, someone who is really using his heart to do it.
Whoever wrong is not important, it's good to remember that a sincere gesture can go a long way.

Maybe at times i m belittling your her communication? The tone of voice im using causing misunderstanding and invalidation. The surprising fact is that most of the time i might not even realize i m doing it, but i m really trying to improve it, i m really thankful for her understanding but time frame don't allow me to do so and why ...

For all the times, i never say the things i should have, saying things that is not suppose to say at times, using the wrong approach but there is something all the time i m showing truefuly, changing for u, is my loving heart for u ....

I MISS YOU ...............