Love is cruel if u ever like me ...

Well currently at work, well doing nthing as usual .. so making my thoughts run wild again.
And all i knew is i even lost the little willpower that i have to watch over her, getting to know how is she and wat she doing ...
Well, her blog gone, friendster gone ... i search for the whole morning on it, trying various combination and etc ... well tired, on my myself.
Ever love a person so deeply that is causing the life to be so miserable like me, why m i doing all this ... coz i love her ...
I really been asking why make it so cruel and hard hearted on me... maybe using a different approach showing me that she understand, tok it out nicely ..well guess all this i been repeating but i juz get nowhere ....
Do i really never show enough ? Doing a great sin that i deserve all this .... asking all this now .. and who will really let me knew the ans .. wats over is over ?
Not even a nice human side of face to tell me nicely .. James, i m really sorry ..bla bla bla ... to tell me to face reality ...
Even to just spare a min of the time to think and spare a thought for us .. be it in my shoe or her ..

Haiz i duno wat i writing also ... i can guess thousand and one excuses and reason and facts but i cannot deny my heart that i love her too deeply .. even i have to tell a lie and dishonest .. it be like giving her 12 roses, 11 real 1 fake and tell her "I love u till the last rose dies" ...