Today ..

Well today, what can i say, another sad unhappy day to pass .. really getting no where and so meaningless.
Before i left, i send her another mail, as below ..

Guess u muz tink i m here to irritate u again ..
i know how much u wana have a dream for yur wedding, is have lots of guest, in a big ballroom, just like beauty & the beast. Wearing something which u design making yurself to be so elegant.

And before that, yur hubby will be waiting for u in the ballroom, and u walk down the stairs with the gown ...

I wana so much to fullfill the dreams u have, if not i will not move on ... making plans, talking with u abt it ..and talking abt commitment.

I knew u always like fantasy, fairy tales but at times i really wana u to know and realize that fairy tales need time and sincerity and a true heart to show, certain time we have to tink abt certain factor and the enviroment ..

But i always wana make u feel llike a princess ...last but not least, i begging u, pls do understand and i really love u .. pls my dear ...

This will be the last mail which i m sending to u ... i m also tired of explaining, afraid making u unhappy .. and so let yur way be not to understand ... its not that i not aware of what u wan and i m trying to fullfill it ... fantasy need planning too and its the heart and thoughts that i have for u ...

U may find it i m stupid, making u feel so irritating .. well a beast with no brain but a trueful heart for u to love ...

Take care ..

Well then i knock off from work .. inside my mind, i keep thinking of ideas and tinking abt the fantasy of beauty and the beast .. imagine i m the beast ..hmm sound stupid ah ... then thinking what i can do for her ..maybe like being a beast then in the public or anywhere telling her how sorry i m and etc ...and it just carry me away ..thinking, wondering all the way i reach clementi .. heh been quite awhile i been walking from all the way to NUH ... lol thats really damm far ..lol ..at first i thought of going jurong ... and i did ... and then i went home with my thoughts abt her again ....

And now reach home, sit down, switch on COM, check for her .. lol ..
Haiz i keep thinking abt the beast lol .. and her ...haiz ... when can she really understand wat i m thinking ... maybe this will juz be bury together with my feeling one day ...

Well time to smoke ... my dinner for tonight hmm ..no appetite again .. even my heart is going against me, lol ... mind and heart r juz not functioning too well ...

Again i wana say I miss her .. love her ..
Before i wana log off from this, heh my dad call me .. tolding me why because of a gal like that, don't eat don't work then i told him to stop coz its making me dropping tears again ... but well he keep on saying .. and in the end he say its jus a gal ...

I feel so useless .. really ..:(