Sian ... rotting my life away ..

Heh everyday been so miserable .. so free, nthing much to do or well no heart to do.
At night worst .. well been drinking for the past few week and well this week guess till weekend ..
Getting better but i still miss her alot, still drop tears for her .. i knew she is doing good .. for all i care .. there is nthing else i can do .. juz letting time to show .. and i knew i m not going to earn anything from there ...
Work wise as usual, taking off now and then, clearing leave and soon out of job to be .. hope this time will not take too long for me to stand up ... i began to hate myself and her .. but i know its all in me ..for loving her ..
... getting not much of effort to bitch ..getting so tired in my life, acting like none of the thing exist or happen is never possbile ..
I wish someone can lead me on .. guide me along and pull me away from all this .. well maybe because its me ... Zzz